LL's Konoha Pet Shop
by Legendary Legacy
Summary: Unfinished plot-bunnies that have lost their inspiration for continuance roam free here. See one you like? Why not give it a nice home, because Lord knows I'll never get around to finishing them.
1. Icha Icha Oiroke

Looking through the 'Unfinished' section of my fanfiction folders, I've noticed that I have a lot of barely started fics that are doing nothing but collecting dust. A lot of them aren't even past the first chapter, and the chances of them being taken further than they are now are pretty much none, either due to lack of interest or simply because I'm too focused on other things. So I figure, instead of just sending them the way of the Recycle Bin, I'll post some of them up here, let people look over them, and maybe someone out there will find a use for one of them, or at least draw some inspiration to write something of their own. Either way.

So that's what this is: A dumping ground for my fic ideas that I've either given up on or just don't know how to continue. Feel free to give one a nice home, otherwise they'll just end up in a cardboard box by the side of the road on a cold and rainy night, and do you really want something like that on your conscience? Do you? Think of the plot-bunnies, folks, that's all I'm asking.

Here's the first one. I wrote this about two years ago, and it could have ended up a Lemon or just a really ecchi comedy depending on personal preference. It's also intended to take place shortly after the timeskip.

xxx

Icha Icha Oiroke

An Ecchi Naruto fic

By Legendary Legacy

Standard Disclaimer: Naruto and all the characters and setting therein belong to Masashi Kishimoto and whomever he's given the rights to.

Enjoy. Or don't. Whichever.

xxx

"Ah, Naruto my boy! Come in, come in, have a seat!"

Naruto never really liked it when Jiraiya acted so cheerful and energetic. It usually meant something bad or perverted was going to happen. With an enormous amount of caution, as though he expected the ceiling to come crashing down on him at any moment, he did as he was told, and sat down in one of the two folding chairs in front of the desk which Jiraiya currently sat behind with his feet propped up on top of.

"What's this all about, Ero-Sennin?" he demanded. "You calling me in here without any explanation is really cutting into my time that I could be spending learning new jutsus."

Jiraiya grinned wider as he removed a fresh Kumo cigar from his breast pocket and lit it. "Believe me boy, when I tell you that the news I have for you now is much more important than any stupid jutsu you might be trying to learn."

Naruto hated to admit that his interest was peaked. "What, did you finally find out where Sasuke disappeared to?"

"Even better."

"Akatsuki decided to disband and give up their hunt for bijus?"

"Better than that!"

Naruto thought a little harder before gasping. "They're finally announcing me as the next Hokage!"

"Don't be stupid! And anyway, this news is even better than that."

Ignoring the shot at his dream, Naruto frowned. "Okay, I give up. What could POSSIBLY be greater than all that?"

Taking a deep pull on his cigar, Jiraiya reached into a drawer of his desk and pulled out a large stack of papers, which he then pushed across to the boy. Naruto picked up the top piece and scanned the few lines of text on it, a vein appearing on his right temple as he did so.

"This is it?" he growled. "This is what you pulled me away from my training to show me?"

The Toad-Hermit nodded, oblivious to the fact that Naruto wasn't nearly as thrilled about it as he himself was.

Naruto slammed the slip of paper back onto the rest of the stack. "This is just some movie script for one of your pervy books!"

"Indeed it is," Jiraiya confirmed as he pulled out another piece of paper. "The sequel to the box-office smash 'Icha Icha: The Movie'. Just look at these numbers for the original, Naruto." He held the paper up for Naruto to see, though by the confused look on his face, Jiraiya decided to elaborate personally. "One of the highest grossing movies in the last five years, boy! Sold out theaters from Suna all the way to Kiri and everywhere in between! Critically acclaimed by even the harshest of Iwa critics!"

By this point, Jiraiya had worked himself up to the point where he was standing on top of his desk and yelling at the top of his lungs. "The world loves my work, don't you see? They demanded a continuation! Fan mail on top of fan mail! Threatening letters telling me in great detail exactly what they would do to me if I didn't comply! Dozens of silky female undergarments sent for me to autograph! THE FOOLISH DARLINGS! THEY DON'T EVEN REALIZE THAT THEY'LL NEVER SEE THOSE PANTIES EVER AGAIN!"

"ERO-SENNIN!"

Jiraiya blinked in confusion, taking note of his current position. He casually cleared his throat and fell back into his chair. "Do you see what I'm trying to tell you, brat?"

"Honestly? No. I mean sure, you're happy about making another movie or whatever, good for you. But what does this have to do with dragging me away from my training to tell me about it?"

Jiraiya took a final puff of his cigar before snuffing it out and stood up, turning his gaze to the window behind him. "Well let me get straight to the heart of the matter, Naruto. The set, the crew and the cast are all scheduled to arrive in Tanzuki Gai in five days, and we intend to start filming immediately when they do. Unfortunately, I received a letter from two of my three star actors this morning that due to an unfortunate incident involving a terrible outbreak of Pigmy Pox; they wouldn't be able to be here for the filming. As you can imagine, this puts me in quite a bind. With all the money that's already been put into this and the fact that we've already set a deadline to meet, we simply can't afford to hold off on filming until they recover."

He turned back to Naruto, who had a strange feeling that the old man was trying his damnedest to be dramatic. "This is where you come in, boy."

Naruto raised an eyebrow at his teacher. "What? Are you saying you want me to be in your movie?"

"That's right."

"You've gotta be kidding me! I'm not an actor! Couldn't you just find some other actors to take their place?"

"Ah, but therein lies the real problem, you see," he explained as he returned to his seat, resting his elbows on the desk. "As it turns out, the two actors that got sick are the famous Rukozashi twins, Tsubasa and Tsubame of Kusagakure. Brilliant actors, the both of them, and if I even had just one of them here I could probably get away with having that one fill both roles with how similar they look. But as it is now that too is impossible, and there just isn't another set of twin actors who could possibly fill this part. …Well, there is one set from Kiri, but the brother sort of wants me dead for allegedly doing inappropriate things to the sister. Soooo…my only real hope now…is you, boy."

If Naruto had been confused before, he was downright baffled now. "I don't get it, Ero-sennin. I see how you could want me to take the guy twin's place, but then who exactly are you expecting to play my female twin? The only girl I know who could possibly pass herself off as my twin might be Ino, or maybe Temari, and even then-"

The large grin that was slowly growing even larger on the old man's face stopped him from finishing his point.

"…What?"

"…" The grin was going to split his face if it got any wider.

"…" Naruto's eyes suddenly widened in horror. "OH HELL NO!"

"Now before you say no-"

"Too late! Already said it," Naruto shouted as he got up to leave.

"Would you just hear me out for a minute?" Jiraiya pleaded, moving quickly to head the boy off.

"What's to hear? You want me to pretend to be a girl in one of your perverted stories! What makes you think I would be willing to go through with that? Hell, even if you only wanted me to play a guy in it I'd probably still say no!"

Jiraiya draped an arm around Naruto's shoulders, calmly leading him back into the room. "Boy, you just don't see the big picture here. With your combination of Kage Bunshin and that ingenious Oiroke no Jutsu, you could effectively fill both roles at the same time, saving me a whole lot of hassle. And just think," he added, sweeping his hand in a wide arch in front of them. "Hundreds of thousands of people are going to be watching this movie. With you filling up two leading roles, just imagine how famous you'll become."

Jiraiya mentally grinned in triumph. If the thought of being loved and acknowledged by people all over the world didn't get him, he didn't know what would.

"Why would I wanna be famous for being in one of your porno flicks, Ero-sennin? I wanna be known as a great Hokage, not as the second biggest pervert to ever come out of Konoha."

Jiraiya shook his head, letting out a tired sigh. "One of these days brat, preferably within the next five, you're going to have to actually sit down and read one of my 'porno' books. I think you would be pleasantly surprised." He went silent for a moment, contemplating his next move. "You do realize that you'll be getting paid a hefty sum for this, right?"

"No amount could justify doing what you're asking."

Stubborn brat. "What if I offered to teach you the secret behind the Yondaime's infamous Hiraishin no Jutsu?"

Naruto paused for a second; clearly this was the most tempting offer so far. But still… "Ero-sennin, if you mastered the ability to Henge into a woman like I can, would you be willing to have sex as one?"

Jiraiya opened his mouth. Naruto held a hand up.

"You know what, forget I asked that. I really don't wanna hear it. The point is: that's just a certain level of creepiness that I'm not willing to go through."

Jiraiya held back a groan. Only one trump card left to play. "So there's nothing I can do to make you reconsider?"

"Nope."

"Even though I took all those years of my own time and effort out of the goodness of my heart to help train you?"

Naruto held his tongue on the overall effectiveness of most of that training. "Can't do it. Sorry."

Jiraiya hung his head and collapsed back into his seat. "Well, I guess that's that, then. Nothing we can do about it." He buried his face in his hands. "Oh, how am I going to break the news to poor Yukie-chan?"

"Yukie-chan?"

"What about me?"

Hearing the vaguely familiar voice behind him, Naruto turned around and immediately found himself caught in a tight embrace.

"It's good to see you again, Naruto-kun."

"Ah, Yukie-hime," Jiraiya greeted pleasantly. "Perfect timing, as usual."

Naruto finally pulled away from the embrace, getting a good look at the familiar newcomer. "Yukie-hime? What are you doing here?"

The princess of the former Land of Snow gave the boy one more once-over before grinning. "I'm here to pick up the final draft of my script."

Naruto quirked an eyebrow. "Script? You mean…you're-?"

"Of course. I was the star of the first Icha Icha movie, remember? And Jiraiya-sama liked my work so much he wanted me in the sequel as well. But what are you doing here?"

"Uh…" To be perfectly honest, Naruto had forgotten all about his last farewell with the princess, specifically the part where she informed him that she would be taking part in the Icha Icha movie. There was a good chance that he had suppressed the memory on purpose in order to keep the image of his favorite actress from being tainted by the smut of his sensei. Poor girl, he had thought at the time, how on earth had Ero-sennin managed to con her into doing it?

Yukie's eyes lit up. "Oh, are you going to be my new co-star? Jiraiya-sama told me he had the perfect person in mind, but I never imagined he'd mean you!" She pulled Naruto in closer, allowing her to lower her voice to a sultry whisper. "Won't this be fun? Just think of all the 'scenes' we'll get to do together."

Naruto thought about it. Then he thought about it some more. And just as his fantasies began to get the better of him, Jiraiya decided it was time to pounce.

"Unfortunately Yukie-hime, Naruto has already made it perfectly clear that he wants nothing to do with this movie, and no amount of pleading, bribing or threatening is going to change his mind. And, with so little time between now and the day we're scheduled to start, it looks like we'll have to cancel the film."

"Oh on!" Yukie cried, looking positively devastated.

Jiraiya nodded. "It's sad, I know. It's a shame that Naruto can't be more cooperative. Looks like you made the trip all the way out here for nothing, Princess."

Yukie bowed her head. "I see." A stray tear appeared in her eye as she turned away from the two men. "I guess I just didn't realize how strongly Naruto would object to doing something like this with me."

Naruto felt like crying himself; that just wasn't fair. Saying no to Jiraiya was one thing, but trying to say it to a pretty, crying girl like Yukie was another matter all together.

He still couldn't do it though. No way in hell could he put himself through playing any part in Ero-Sennin's pervy movies, especially when he wanted him to do it as a girl! Who knew what sort of sick, despicable acts the old pervert might try to make him do?

He glanced over at Yukie, who was sniffling softly as she walked to the door. He then shot a death-glare at Jiraiya before bowing his own head.

_Damn your blackheart, Ero-sennin._

"Wait," he said, barely above a whisper.

"I knew you'd see the light, boy!" Jiraiya crowed triumphantly.

"Oh, that's wonderful, Naruto-kun!" Yukie added, pulling him into another embrace.

"Hold on, don't get the wrong idea!" Naruto demanded as he wiggled his way out of the princess's grip. "I'm not agreeing to anything yet. I mean, I'm not gonna just jump head-first into something like this. I at least want to know what I'm getting into first."

Jiraiya immediately shoved another copy of the script into Naruto's hands. "Take it. Learn it. Love it. And for the love of God, don't let anyone else see it. Nobody except for the people directly involved in the filming even knows that the movie's being made yet. We're keeping it under wraps until the time comes." That, and also if Tsunade or any of the brat's teammates found out about Naruto being involved before it was too late to stop it he'd be up Shit Creek without a boat.

The old man smirked as Naruto stared at the script like it were a poisonous snake. "Go on home and read through it and meet me back here with your decision tomorrow morning. And you damn well better read the whole thing; no stopping the moment you come to the first steamy scene, got it?"

"Yeah, yeah," Naruto muttered, already starting to regret this.

Yukie placed a supportive hand on his shoulder. "Thank you, Naruto-kun. You won't regret doing this if you say yes." Naruto stiffened as he felt her other hand graze his behind. The princess leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I'll personally see to it." She smiled at the choked gulp that was his response.

As Naruto was leaving, Jiraiya called out to him. "And by the way: if you happen to think about it, ask some of those cute girls you hang around with to come along. We may need extras for the orgy scene."

To his credit, Naruto managed to look completely dignified as he walked directly into the wall. He then disappeared from view at a much faster pace.

"You added an orgy scene?" Yukie questioned, flipping through the pages of her script.

Jiraiya laughed. "Nah, but sometimes you just feel like screwing with the boy."

"I know what you mean."

Jiraiya's perverted senses swore that they heard an innuendo there, but he brushed it aside, mainly because he could pull an innuendo out of just about anything. "You really are the best actor I've ever seen, Yukie-hime. I can't believe how easily you got the brat to change his mind like that."

"Who was acting?" Yukie asked casually, tucking the papers into her robe. She gave Jiraiya an innocent smile as she exited the room. "See you tomorrow, Jiraiya-sama."

The sennin's eyebrow rose, wondering if he were missing something to this situation.

Ah, but that didn't matter now, just so long as Naruto didn't disappoint him by refusing to play the parts.

He smirked, kicking his feet back and lighting up a new cigar. Of course, it wasn't _entirely_ necessary to have Naruto fill both roles. With make-up or proper use of henge, just about anyone could have probably done it, but that wasn't the point. From the moment Naruto had first shown him that Oiroke no Jutsu, Jiraiya had known with no uncertainty that he would have to find a use for it besides tricking perverts. And what better use to make of it than in movies, making him a hell of a lot of money in the process?

And, if Naruto was willing to play ball, he might just end up with more than he thought in the end, as well. There was no way that he'd refuse.

xxx

xxx

And that's all I've got for this one. The basic premise was Jiraiya tricking/convincing Naruto to play a part in his upcoming movie sequel alongside Princess Yukie (or Koyukie, I forget the proper spelling), and getting him to do it as his Oiroke self. I didn't have a real idea for a movie plot, and was only going to focus mostly on Yukie helping to 'prepare' Naruto for his upcoming roles (and by 'prepare', I of course mean giving him acting tips. Obviously.) The hijinks of filming the movie would have been glossed over, but not a whole lot of detail devoted to it.

And the real fun was to come on the films opening night, where people from all over, including Naruto's friends and acquaintances (Rookie 11, senseis, Tsunade, etc.) as well as other closet enthusiasts for the movie (Akatsuki members, Kabuto, other Kages, etc.) would be in attendence to see Naruto's moviestar debut. Of course, none of them were AWARE that Naruto was going to be in it before then, so...

But hey, that's only what I had planned. If you like the idea and feel like running with it, feel free to go as crazy as you want.

Next bit'll be up shortly.

LL


	2. A Trap Among the Leaves

Another old piece that hasn't seen an update in years. It's based on a pretty cliched premise, but I think the overall followthrough is fairly original. Maybe you'll agree. Have a look and enjoy if you want.

xxx

The Trials and Tribulations of a Trap Among the Leaves

By Legendary Legacy

A Naruto Fanfic

Standard Disclaimer still applies.

xxx

In the life of a shinobi, being able to say that a mission was completed with only meager to zero mistakes was a pretty rare thing. Being able to say the same thing about the very first mission you'd ever gone on that turned out to be much more difficult than originally expected was all but unheard of. So when it does happen, it would typically be a call for celebration.

But even though that exact situation had just recently befallen the fresh-faced Team 7 of Konohagakure, not a one of the members felt all that light-hearted. The reason being, that when a battle goes near perfectly for one side, it means that things had to have gone horribly for the people on the other side. And one of the people on the other side...

_Zabuza-sama, I failed you..._

-Just happened to be traveling with them. That single thought had been constantly running through the mind of the young, and unfortunately very VERY feminine looking boy named Haku for the last three days. The truth of it haunted him through all hours without relent. The one person who had taken him under his wing when everyone else couldn't have cared less if he'd died, who had trained him and molded him into the perfect weapon, had given him a reason to keep on living when he felt ready to give it all up...was dead.

"You okay, Haku?"

And not only had he been completely unable to save Zabuza, but to make matters even worse, now here he was traveling with the same group of people that had led to his most precious person's demise.

"Haku?"

_What a disgrace I must be,_ he moped. _Zabuza-sama would scorn me if he saw me here like this. Why couldn't they have let me commit seppuku like I wanted...?_

"HAKU!"

Without realizing it, a senbon had appeared in his hand and he barely managed to stop himself an inch short from plunging it into the neck of the blond boy who had scared him out of his deep depression.

Uzumaki Naruto froze, the needle so close to his throat that if he so much as gulped he'd run the risk of impaling his voice box on it. The other genins of the team were staring at Haku apprehensively, having been expecting a sneak attack from their rather reluctant travel companion for a while now.

Haku blinked twice and lowered his arm. "Please don't startle me like that, Naruto-kun."

"M-my bad," Naruto replied. "I just was, er...wondering how you were holding up, you know? I mean, you're probably still sad about Zabuza and all, but-"

"Time will tell, Naruto-kun," Haku stated simply. "I'm sure I'll get over it eventually if I don't kill myself out of despair first."

Everyone, excluding Kakashi, sweatdropped.

Doing his best to keep the boy in good spirits, Naruto grinned and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Well don't worry, once we get to Konoha you'll meet new people and make more friends like me and Sakura-chan and Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei. Isn't that right, guys?"

The responses he received were a little colder than either boy had hoped. Sasuke had a rather sour look on his face, still remembering how easily Haku had defeated him in their battle on the bridge. He wasn't quite up to calling the boy a 'friend'. Rival maybe, but not friend.

Sakura had an equally sour look over the fact that the boy had nearly killed her Sasuke-kun.

Kakashi wasn't paying them a bit of attention one way or the other. His nose was currently buried deep into the little orange book in his hand, and every once in a while a small giggle could be heard escaping his throat.

"Sensei!"

"Huh? ...Oh yes, I'm sure everyone in Konoha will just love you, Haku."

Naruto's face fell. "You could have put a bit more feeling into it, you know?"

"Thank you for saying so, Naruto-kun," Haku told him. "But I don't think the people of your village will appreciate my presence very much."

Naruto frowned quizzically. "Why not? Because of your kekkei genkai?" he guessed, remembering the story Haku had told him two days ago about his life before Zabuza. "Don't worry! If that's all it is then it won't be a problem. In Konoha people with bloodlines are treated practically like royalty. Just look at Sasuke: He's a brooding, arrogant, self-centered prick, but everyone still loves him."

A sickening crack was heard as the fists of Sasuke and Sakura connected with both sides of Naruto's head. He twitched weakly for a second before falling to the ground in a heap.

"Now now, children," Kakashi scolded absently, flipping over another page of his book. "Let's behave ourselves."

One thing that Haku could say for certain: If his short time with Team 7 was any indication, living in Konoha wasn't going to be boring.

xxx

"Welcome back, Kakashi-sempai," Kotetsu greeted as the group entered the village gate. "I trust your mission went well?"

"As well as can be expected, I suppose," the jounin responded lightly.

Kotetsu and Izumo looked over the young genin following behind their sensei. None of them looked too badly off, though there were a few visibly healing puncture wounds on Sasuke's skin. Then they noticed the fifth member of the group.

Kotetsu looked the newcomer up and down a few times, feeling his face heat up as he did. "And this is...?"

"A...casualty of war, one might say," Kakashi answered. "But that's something that I must bring up with Hokage-sama right away, so if you'll pardon us..."

"Yes, of course." The group moved on into the village. As Haku walked past, Kotetsu bowed his head slightly. "Enjoy your stay here, Miss."

Haku returned the minuscule bow. "Thank you, but I'm-"

"Haku!" Naruto called back to them. "Come on, don't fall behind!"

Haku sighed and muttered an 'excuse me' before hurrying to catch up with Naruto and the others. Kotetsu watched after them until they disappeared amongst the crowd of Konoha villagers. A small grin bloomed across his face as he turned back around. "Man, what I wouldn't give to have me a girl like that." He nudged his partner with his elbow. "Right, Izumo?"

Izumo, however, was still staring off into the space where Haku had gone. Upon closer inspection, Kotetsu noticed that his pal's eyes had taken on a distinct heart-shaped appearance.

"I think I'm in love."

xxx

Sarutobi shifted through the papers in his hands, every few seconds stealing a glance at the fidgeting newcomer standing before him over the top of the pages. Naruto and Kakashi stood to the side, the first looking anxious, and the other looking at his book.

"So..." he said calmly. "This child...Haku..."

"Is here to join our village," Kakashi finished.

"Might I ask why?" the old man enquired.

Haku stepped forward, keeping his gaze on the floor. "Hokage-sama, I was previously helping to oppose Kakashi-san and his team in completing their mission. I was unsuccessful and, through my own carelessness, my guardian, Zabuza-sama was killed. I would have liked to been given the chance to commit seppuku and join Zabuza-sama in the afterlife, but both Naruto-kun and Kakashi-san insisted that I return with them to live a hollow, lifeless existence here in Konoha instead."

Sarutobi blinked. "I...see. Well uh...in that case..."

"Come on, old man!" Naruto demanded, placing a supportive hand on Haku's shoulder. "Haku's got no place else to go! You wouldn't kick out a suicidal kid who had no other friends or family, would you?"

Sarutobi glared at Naruto. "Of course I wouldn't! I have no problem with granting asylum, but there will be a few regulations put in place."

"And those would be?" Haku asked.

"I will be assigning an ANBU to monitor you for a while, to make sure you have no ill intentions. On top of that, you will be required to have an escort with you whenever you go out, and if you are hoping to become an official shinobi of our village, you will have to wait a minimum of two months first."

Haku shrugged listlessly. "I agree."

Sarutobi nodded, stood from his desk and offered his hand to Haku. "Then if there are no other problems, I gladly welcome you to our village, young lady."

Haku sighed, reaching for his hand. "Thank you, Hokage-sama, but-"

"You're the best, Oji-san!" Naruto cheered. He quickly grabbed Haku's outstretched hand and began pulling him out of the room. "Come on, Haku, I'll show you the village!"

Kakashi listened to Haku's fading protests a moment longer. He smirked at the look on Sarutobi's face, and quietly made his own exit.

Sarutobi returned to his seat, returning his attention to the files that Kakashi had given him concerning the girl. He smiled, Naruto seemed especially pleased to have Haku around. He was pleased that the boy had apparently found himself a nice young girl who might accept him for what he was. According to this history report, it seemed that she had led a rather pitiful life as well. Oh well, if two kindred spirits like them could make each other happy...

He frowned.

How odd, Kakashi had marked Haku's gender as male. Could that mean... His mind drifted back, envisioning the child that had stood before him only a minute ago. Sure, the clothes hadn't exactly been form-fitting, but that face combined with that voice...

He laughed it off. Even the most bishonen of men didn't look THAT pretty. Kakashi had obviously made a mistake. Well, that would be easy enough to fix…

xxx

xxx

And that's all she wrote. In a nutshell: Haku comes to Konoha, gets constantly mistaken for a girl, and is always interrupted somehow whenever he tries to correct them. Hijinks ensues. The original thought was to have nearly every guy he met fall instantly in lust with him, leading to a lot of jealousy from the girls. Examples could have included, but were no limited to, Hinata fretting over Naruto spending so much time with a beautiful girl, or Sasuke asking Haku to train with him (so he can find a way to beat his Ice Jutsus) and making his fangirls (minus Sakura who knows better) to wonder why he never wants to train with any of them.

But again, that's just my ideas. Maybe you have your own. Hope you enjoyed it either way.

Until I post again.

LL


	3. You LOST the Hokage?

A really short one this time. There was a discussion on The Fanfiction Forums a few weeks back concerning Perfect Lionheart's 'Missing Hokage' challenge. Well, I didn't like the original challenge for various reasons, but when one of the members used the phrase "What do you mean, you LOST the Hokage!", it got my gears turning and I quickly wrote this little thing. Enjoy if you can.

xxx

You Lost the Hokage!

A Naruto fic

By Legendary Legacy

Standard Disclaimer still applies.

xxx

'It was one hell of a party.'

Some chose to substitute the word 'celebration' for 'party', others gave their individual spin on the phrase (Great fuckin' party, brah!), but the overall sentiment was the same for the citizens of Konoha.

The defeat of the crazed megalomaniac Uchiha Madara combined with the final restorative touches being put on their once leveled village had certainly put everyone in the mood to celebrate.

And celebrate they did.

For three days straight.

Alcohol ran like rivers in River Country. Fireworks filled the skies even when it was too bright to see them. Alcohol and fireworks intermingled, resulting in an overpopulated burn ward (who all kept right on partying). Good food, good music, good conversations, it was all a truly wonderful time. Which, of course, was thoroughly ruined by the morning after.

xxx

"I want... to die."

Yes, that was also the general consensus of the populous the day after the partying died down. That, and "Why's the fucking sun so fucking bright?", "Stop breathing so loud, goddamnit!", and "Oh God, whose bed is this?"

Shizune staggered her way up the stairs of the Hokage Tower, fighting valiantly against the urge to go back home, kick that man and woman out of her bed, crawl into it and stay there for the rest of her life. She'd already used two medical jutsus for hangovers on herself, but neither one seemed to help. Though, in all honesty, it was so hard to concentrate that she probably did them wrong anyway.

Sadly, she knew she couldn't take such a welcome liberty, as she knew it was time to get back to work, and that meant making sure Tsunade-sama was getting back to work. She didn't even want to think about all the cleaning up that was going to have to take place after the festivities of the last three days.

She also didn't want to think because thinking was very painful at the moment.

So, with very little in mind, she trudged into the office of the Hokage. She was pleased to see that, even though passed out at the desk with her hat covering her head, Tsunade was indeed there, which would make getting her back in leadership shape just a little bit easier.

Shizune approached the desk, and was about to speak, when she noticed that something was wrong. The clothes that this person was wearing wasn't something that Tsunade would ever wear. In fact...

She lifted the hat, and sunlight beat down on a teenaged face framed by bright blonde hair. The sunlight also caused the face to scrunch up and hiss like an angry vampire, who then tried to roll away from the offending brightness, which resulted in him falling out of the chair. The boy's groans were joined by Shizune's, what with all the noise.

Slowly, the medic leaned over the desk, peering down at the hungover boy. "Naruto," she spoke softly. "What-?"

"Shhhh," Naruto shushed her, holding his hands to his temples.

Shizune lowered her voice further. "Naruto, what are-?"

"Can't hear you," Naruto muttered.

Grumbling, she raised her voice again. "Naruto-"

"SHHH!"

"...What are you doing in Tsunade-sama's office? And wearing her hat?"

Naruto stumbled to his feet, looking completely lost, until he spotted the hat in question and put it back on. "Baachan gave it to me."

"Why would she do that?"

The blonde shook his head, hoping to clear the cobwebs from his mind. "Well, let's see...there was this drinking contest, right?"

There had been dozens, so even though she hadn't been there personally, Shizune felt confident in nodding.

"And then...she accused me of cheating..." he recanted weakly, still slurring his speak a bit. "Said I shouldn't be able to drink so much. And then **I** said...that all the booze must being going straight to her tits...and that's why they're so saggy."

Shizune cringed involuntarily.

"And then I remember softness...then pain...then yelling...then more pain...and then she...gave me her hat, and left. So then...I came up here to the Hokage's office, because when you wear the Hokage's hat...you should be in the Hokage's office." He finished with a nod, as though it all made perfect sense.

Shizune digested the information, suddenly feeling quite sober. "So you don't know where she is?"

"Nope."

"Wonderful," she sighed. "Well, we'd better go look for her, before the masses decide to start up again."

"Ah, don't worry, Shizune-neechan," Naruto told her, his demonic chakra beginning to eat away at his own hangover. "As drunk as she was, she couldn't have gotten far."

xxx

Six hours later...

"She's not in the village," Naruto announced. "We've looked literally everywhere, even with my Kage Bunshins helping. Everyone else who's currently able to move has helped us look, too. She's definitely not here."

Shizune nervously wrung her hands. "Oh God, this is horrible. Why did this have to happen now? Again?"

"What's the big deal, Shizune-neechan? So she left the village, I still don't think she could have gotten far in her condition. She's probably just passed out in the forest or something."

Shizune gave him a grave look. "Naruto, the last time Tsunade-sama got so drunk that she wandered off on her own, I didn't see her again for three weeks, and I don't think she stopped drinking the entire time! You have no idea what sort of trouble she got into. The shady people she pissed off, the widespread ruin to the various landmarks of the nearby towns, the gambling debts, the angry mobs, the marriage proposals she threw out, half of which were accepted and some with full wedding licenses signed and dowries paid up front! It was an absolute nightmare trying to fix everything she did!"

Naruto bit his cheek, not liking the unsettling look in the brunette's eyes. "Yeah well...maybe that won't happen this time?"

xxx

xxx

And that's all the further I thought it through. The basic premise was actually pretty similar to my Hiraishin World Tour fic, only in this one, it's Tsunade rather than Naruto who's lost somewhere in the world, and it's up to Naruto, Shizune, and maybe a couple others if you're so inclined, to track her down. Where is the Hokage? What has she been doing? Who has she done it to/with? When will they find her? Why so many questions? How should I know? It's really up to you at this point.

Hope you like it. If not, that's okay to.

Until I post again.

LL


	4. Synergy

Here we are with another little snippet that probably isn't going to see anymore added to it by me. Although, to be honest, of the snippets I've posted so far, this one has the best chance of actually being continued, though if it does it won't be for quite a long while.

So here's the deal: While writing parts for 'Freak, Creep, Psychopath' a few months ago, I got to thinking of how I might go about turning Team 7 into a trio of badasses, without actually turning them into completely different characters. I pondered for a while, and this is what I came up with. Enjoy.

xxx

Synergy (AKA: Greater Than the Sum of Its Parts)

A Naruto Fic

By Legendary Legacy

Standard Disclaimer still applies.

xxx

Boredom.

"Hey Sasuke."

It has the power to lead to some odd situations.

"What, loser?"

A lot of strange ideas for fighting it.

"You know that fireball jutsu you used against Kakashi-sensei during our test?"

Team 7 was currently waiting for the arrival of their forty-minutes-and-counting-late teacher.

"What about it?"

And Uzumaki Naruto was bored.

"Teach me how to do it!"

Uchiha Sasuke was also bored.

"No."

But not that bored.

"Aw, come on! Why not?"

"I can think of much more productive ways to completely waste my time," he answered, as disinterested as ever.

"It's not a waste of time for me!" Naruto argued, always up for learning cool new jutsus.

Sakura, who was bored enough to have nearly fallen asleep before the conversation started, spoke up in irritation. "Naruto, stop bothering Sasuke-kun."

"But Sakura-chan!" the blonde cried pitiably. "We're a team now, so it only makes sense that we teach each other everything we know. Because of... teamwork and stuff, like Kakashi-sensei talked about, you know?"

Hey, it was as good an excuse as any to give, so long as it meant he became more awesome.

Sakura actually found it hard to argue with that, and she certainly wouldn't mind learning some new tricks from Sasuke herself. Not that she was going to agree with Naruto out loud, of course. "It would probably still be a waste of time to try teaching you, anyway."

Naruto drooped.

"And it's only 'teamwork' if we're all getting something out of it," Sasuke informed him. "And I doubt you have any jutsu that are worth learning in exchange for mine."

Naruto perked back up immediately. "Not true! I know Kage Bunshin, don't I? And that's like a hundred times better than the normal academy Bunshin!" He smirked wickedly as another idea hit him. "Or maybe I could teach you my Oiroke no Jutsu-"

A sudden burst of pain on the top of his head brought that statement to an abrupt end. He turned back to Sakura, who was seething and holding up a tightly clenched fist.

"What was that for?" he demanded, rubbing his smarting head.

"Sasuke-kun doesn't want to learn your perverted jutsu, Naruto!"

"Hey, Oiroke may be the best jutsu ever!" he protested loudly. "I knocked out the Hokage twice with it!"

"That still doesn't make it-"

"Deal."

Both Naruto and Sakura's heads snapped around to stare at Sasuke, the former shocked and the latter scandalized.

"W-w-what?" Sakura whimpered.

"You...really want to learn Oiroke no Jutsu?" Naruto asked incredulously.

Sasuke's face twitched fiercely. "No, you moron; Kage Bunshin! You teach me the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu and I'll teach you the Goukakyu no Jutsu."

Naruto blinked in surprise, then grinned widely. "You mean it?"

Sasuke shrugged. "Sure." After all, he would be the one coming out the winner in this little exchange. The Grand Fireball was a basic fire jutsu that all Uchiha learned at a young age (even if it did take longer for some to learn it than others). But the only other person he knew personally to use Kage Bunshin was Itachi, which meant it was surely a very high-level technique. That didn't explain how a loser like Naruto could know it, but if the dead-last was going to give his secrets away so cheaply, then he certainly wasn't going to complain.

Besides, it wasn't like he was learning anything worthwhile from their sensei. In the two weeks since they'd become a team all they'd done was basic training exercises and grunt-level labor disguised as ninja missions. Who the hell hires shinobi to paint a fence, for God's sake?

For his part, whether Naruto realized that he was getting the raw end of the deal or not wasn't a big concern of his. He'd been pestering Kakashi since becoming their sensei to teach him more techniques, which the masked man had been less than forthcoming with.

Besides, he'd dreamed of being able to breath fire and shoot lightning from his eyes and other such things ever since first deciding to become a ninja. Oh, and then there was the possibility of combining it with clones! Just imagine having two hundred Naruto's all breathing giant fireballs at the same time.

The Hokage might as well start packing his shit right now, because Naruto would be moving in by the end of the week!

"Alright, let's do it then!" Then, glancing at Sakura, an idea hit him and he quickly added, "And we should both teach them to Sakura-chan, too. Then she can teach us whatever jutsu she knows that neither of us do!"

Sakura's shock at his words were clearly evident. She honestly did feel Naruto trying to learn anything from or teach anything to Sasuke-kun would be a waste of time considering the amount of time it normally took Naruto to fully grasp anything new that the academy teachers taught, nor did she have high expectations for his ability to properly share his knowledge with them for the same reason. She would have bet money that Sasuke would feel the same way, but it would seem that the allure of Kage Bunshin would win out over common sense.

Not that she wouldn't mind learning a new jutsu or two herself, seeing as how she...didn't really know any outside the standard academy techniques that everyone knew. Which meant that even Naruto knew more jutsus than she did! Oh God, now she was really depressed.

"Sakura-chan?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, sure. That's...that's fine with me."

"You have a jutsu you can teach us, then?" Sasuke asked, sounding a bit skeptical.

"Oh yes!" She assured him. "Of course I do!" Or, at least, she would by tomorrow, because she planned on going straight home after the day's mission and digging through every scroll she'd collected over the years until she found one worth sharing, even if it took all night.

"All right then, let's do this thing!" Naruto shouted with gleeful enthusiasm. "Sasuke, you go first."

"Why should I go first?" he demanded, still feeling rather suspicious of Naruto's motives.

"'Cause this whole thing was my idea, and I'm the one who asked you first," the blonde rationalized.

Seeing Sasuke looking ready to argue, Sakura spoke up first. "Why don't the both of you explain how your jutsus work? Then you can practice at the same time, and If I understand how they're supposed to work, then maybe I can help you fix any problems you might have with performing them."

The boys looked at her, then at each other. Sasuke sighed. "Fine."

"All right, then! Sasuke, you explain yours first," Naruto said, causing Sasuke to growl irritably.

xxx

When Kakashi arrived in the field fifteen minutes later, he almost fell over. Without being noticed, he Shunshined into a tree and out of sight. Peeking through the foliage, he pulled his head protector up and looked with his Sharingan, just to make sure he wasn't seeing things.

Were his adorable little students actually... being proactive, as opposed to sitting around on their thumbs waiting for him to show up?

Were they helping each other, sharing their knowledge, working together... like an actual team, as opposed to bickering and only thinking about themselves?

Unbelievable.

He looked again, where Naruto had just formed several Kage Bunshins, then dispelled them and began gesticulating wildly as Sasuke and Sakura watched intently, Sakura nodding slightly while Sasuke scowled.

Kakashi had to chuckle: he was pretty sure neither Sasuke nor Sakura would have the chakra reserves necessary to perform a Kage Bunshin just yet, but who was he to step in the way of such team building progress?

Pulling his little orange book from his vest pocket, he leaned back against the tree trunk. He could stand to be a half hour later today.

xxx

xxx

And that's that. Team 7 decides to start sharing their knowledge amongst each other. Though it starts out as purely selfish reasoning on all their parts, before long they're learning to trust and respect one another, and soon they're not only teaching and helping each other to perfect their skills, they're becoming true friends and learning to work like a well-oiled machine.

What happens next? Don't know; maybe you do? Either way, 'til next time.

LL


End file.
